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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24624265">i can't see their beauty through their fear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistiia/pseuds/mistiia'>mistiia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Hurt/Comfort, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, because of endgame i guess, hes just a lil moody, neither does natasha lol, quentin beck is a hero in this one, tony stark doesn't die in endgame</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:55:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,989</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24624265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistiia/pseuds/mistiia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Beck…” A look Peter can’t quite explain falls over Tony, like he was expecting at some point Peter was going to bring this up. “I can't protect everyone like him, like you can. I can't fight these things as well as you-” </p><p>Peter can’t get his thoughts out properly, he never can, chokes up instead.. Whenever he and Tony talk like this, his mind numbs over with blame. Blame, blame, blame. He blames himself for not being enough.</p><p>- </p><p>or; peter parker can't save the world on his own, quentin beck and tony stark are trying their best. peter looks up to them both so much it hurts.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Parker &amp; Tony Stark, Quentin Beck &amp; Peter Parker, will update - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i can't see their beauty through their fear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hellooo! ill try update this as much as possible. in this au, tony isnt dead, neither is natasha. quentin isnt a bad guy. basically far from home if quentin was a good guy idk.</p><p>titled after 'i can't see their beauty through their fear' by a l e x on soundcloud. i was listening to it when i started writing this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter sits with one leg up on the stool and his phone resting on top of his knee, looking busy messaging people in the polished kitchen. He's been here for two months now, ever since New York was targeted as the next hot spot for an Elementals attack, all the Avengers willing to fight were moved back to what essentially was Stark Tower 2.0 to be shipped out at the same time with no time lost.</p><p>He feels useless, if there was a word for it. More like, he's doing the best he can with his abilities, but it doesn't feel like enough- there is only so much to do on his own, and Peter’s rampant desire to fix problems as soon as they happen feels itchy more than it ever has before.</p><p>New York isn’t looking at Spider-man as their protector anymore, the Elementals -  he could never fight them on his own. What was left of the Avengers on Earth could just about finish them off on a bad day, even with their new addition of Mysterio.</p><p>It’s noon, maybe a bit after - he could check the time but Peter isn't really looking at his phone. His mind is buzzing with so many different thoughts he’s got more of a blank gaze on the screen that’s lighting up the contours of his face. Without really thinking about it he pulls up the google app and types in ‘Mysterio and Spider-man’, hitting search before even realised what he’d done, and as soon as the first google searches loaded in he hit the lock button, raising his head to look out the window.</p><p>Midtown seemed tiny from the view out of the ceiling to floor windows, the penthouse view was luxurious sure - but if Peter could look out and see every place a civilian he failed to protect died, he’s sure every one of the other avengers saw the same. </p><p>Almost feeling the biting rain through the thin glass, Peter’s eyes catch on to his old high school in the darkness, Midtown Tech, a small exhale of amusement leaves his nose. So many memories surrounded that place but Peter can only think about how it was the first place he’d faced one of them - how he’d left midway through the day ready to fight off the unknown villain only to end up with cracked ribs and a damaged ego.</p><p>That was a year ago, and he’s nineteen now, but feels just as useless against the Elementals as he did back then. </p><p>Peter sighs, and looks up near the top of the window to see the hammock he’d set up when he first arrived back at Stark Tower. It’s attached to the wall where the window begins and is held up by a thick silver pole at the other end. The thought of a google rabbit hole seems more comfortable from his perch.</p><p>-</p><p>The searches aren't surprising, it's mostly just articles about New York's new protector, sure Spider-man is good at stopping robberies and causing plane crashes, but he can’t compare to the likes of Mysterio and Thor. One definitely a God and the other essentially a God. Peter is scared, and realising how daunting it is to be fighting monsters the size of buildings as a bug. The trauma from Thanos sees him beat down every time he goes toe to toe - and he can’t get past it.</p><p>Pushing his left foot against the window, Peter closes his eyes for only a second, letting the hammock sway lightly.</p><p>“Hey kid.” Tony chimes as he strolls into the kitchen with the empty coffee cup he always seems to be carrying around.</p><p>“Hey Tony.” Peter parrots in the same tone, hanging his head backwards over the side of the cloth so his curls droop downwards, eyeing Tony upside down as he goes straight for the coffee pot like clockwork.</p><p>“And…” The older man starts, pausing as he concentrates jamming the coffee pot back into the machine, “What are you up to? Takin’ a nap in your creepy little spider corner?”</p><p>Tony’s eyes are on Peter’s now, and that guilt that always creeps up on him if he looks at Tony for too long comes back. Peter can hardly protect himself fighting the Elementals, never mind millions of people.</p><p>A frown settles on the younger’s face subconsciously. “Am I crazy?” </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Beck…” A look Peter can’t quite explain falls over Tony, like he was expecting at some point Peter was going to bring this up. “I can't protect everyone like him, like you can. I can't fight these things as well as you-” </p><p>Peter can’t get his thoughts out properly, he never can, chokes up instead.. Whenever he and Tony talk like this, his mind numbs over with blame. Blame, blame, blame. He blames himself for not being enough.</p><p>“Pete, this isn’t a dick size party. Your best is your best.” Tony strolls over as he talks, and Peter flips over to look directly down at Tony, kicking his feet lightly up behind him. “I know it’s hard - you’re one of the good ones, kid. I know we can’t wrap these things up in a pretty little shit bow and send them packing like we wish we could, we gotta help the big guns shoot with this one.”</p><p>“I know but-”</p><p>“I know you know Pete, you just gotta be comfortable in support sometimes.” Tony chuckles, “Rich coming from me but we gotta work as a team.”</p><p>Tony’s small exhales bring some of the feeling back into Peter’s face, but before he can even pout and try to blame himself again, that shrill cold feeling rockets down Peter’s spine.</p><p>Almost in slow motion, and he hears the speakers Friday talk’s out of around the apartment gear up to blare an alarm, just as out of the corner of his eye he sees the beginning of an explosion downtown out of the windows. The room bounces back into reality and the alarm is ringing by the time Peter hits the floor in front of Tony.</p><p>“Speaking of the devil.”</p><p>-</p><p>The cold is worse than he’d expected, swarming around his suit like flies to a carcass on a hot day. It’s pinching his skin, locking his joints as he flies through the city with a web attached to the Iron Man’s boot. The rain is worse, and at the speed Tony is flying it hits him like little hailstones all over his front, making him agitated, but mostly uncomfortable.</p><p>“I should have brought a jacket!” He says, mostly to Tony but at a volume he didn’t think the man could hear.</p><p>“Your comms are on.” Tony’s voice comes through whatever speakers are right next to his head.</p><p>Frowning, the taste of burning fills his mouth. The fire is getting closer, even in the rain the building smokes as if someone was throwing gas on it at the base.</p><p>“What do you want me to do when we get over there?” He asks, half nervous, half raring.</p><p>“We’re gonna be the second ones on the scene kid, Rhodes is two minutes out and anyone else is about 10 minutes out. Beck just got there.” Tony says, quickly, as the building approaches faster and faster by the second. Peter sees the start of that signature green fog. “You’re gonna make sure that building is clear okay? And help everyone else in the area evacuate, I don’t want anyone around here when this thing kicks off.”</p><p>“Okay, okay..”</p><p>“Beck’ll keep this thing down for minute and-”</p><p>Another voice comes over the comm, like it was always there but only chose to say something now. “Guys it's not gonna stay down long- just get everyone out. Just get everyone out I got this for a while.” It’s Beck, sounding effortlessly heroic and it makes Peter frown for only a split second. </p><p>Peter doesn't think about it, he can't think about it. He's not the jealous type surely? Instead he sets his mind on how he's going to get everyone out of the vicinity, he close enough that he can swing off the web attaching him to Tony and dive towards the foot of the burning building. Burning is still swimming around his lungs, crisp from the chill wind licking at his suit, but heavy, the wet smog is still floating freely through the air and Peter can taste it.</p><p>Looking around there isn't anyone freely running through the streets. “Karen is everyone already out?” Peter says, confused.</p><p>“People in extreme close proximity evacuated as soon as this elemental started formation, others are getting news now and beginning evacuation. People in the burning building will need assistance, and some disabled in this neighbourhood will also need help leaving the area. Police and fire department are on their way.” Karen gives Peter the brief monotonously, fast paced without emotion like she normally would.</p><p>“Okay.. Thank you Karen, what floor should I start at first?” </p><p>“The explosion took out the bottom three floors, start grabbing people on the fourth and above, and work your way up.”</p><p>Peter is already swinging before he has time to wince at how the first three floors are completely destroyed with everyone in them, he can't curse himself for not being there to save them now. The heat of the fires is almost unbearable, even through the layers of fireproof mesh adorning his skin - Peter works without time to think, grabbing people, busting through the doors of apartments.</p><p>It feels a little fake, how the tear streaked faces gasp at him, praying to whichever Gods they praise and thanking them for Spider-man, their saviour? It makes Peter a little queasy, air dense in his lungs. They should be thanking Mysterio, Ironman, whoever. He can't seem to say anything else other than “It’s okay now, you’re safe.” </p><p>The sounds of panic, crashing waves against the empty building, it falls on Peter’s enhanced hearing like hail on a tin roof. The boy is overwhelmed but his ‘tingle’ as May used to call it does all the work for him. “Use your Peter Tingle!” She would cheer whenever Peter didn't know what to do, a cheeky smile on her face like she knew how much it got on her nephew’s nerves but she was always somehow shooting in the right direction.</p><p>Swinging down the side of the building and dropping the people he finds into the arms of paramedics and firefighters is all he seems good for now. But this is what Spider-man is supposed to be right? Peter can't pinpoint exactly where his envy is stemming from these days.</p><p>“Pete is the building evac’ed yet?” Tony says after a while, not impatient, but still carrying a worried tone.</p><p>“I’m on the last floo-” A grunt replaces the last of his sentence, as a beam below him slips and crashes down, sending Peter through the new hole in the floor - shooting a web out he catches himself easily. “T-the last floor…”</p><p>Through a dainty little window, charred by fire and illuminated white around the contours by whatever was emitting off the monster outside. Peter saw the avengers, working in almost perfect harmony, all of them were there, either aiding in civilian support or hurling firepower at the elemental. A frown settled on the young hero's face, eager to finish up the job he should have finished a long while ago.</p><p>“Finish up then I need a ride to a perch!” Someone else hopped on the comms, sounding a lot like Clint. </p><p>Peter didn't even have words for how that riled him up. Karen must have sensed something, something strange building inside him.</p><p>“Are you okay Peter?” she asked.</p><p>No, he wants to burn the elementals to the floor and make sure no one is ever hurt again. But he can’t. It's making his skin burn.</p><p>“Just make sure I don’t do anything dumb okay.” A statement, not a question.</p>
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